


Kozume Kenma

by Alec_Bane



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10710564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alec_Bane/pseuds/Alec_Bane
Summary: A short story about the life of Kenma. (It will be sad.)





	Kozume Kenma

One of the worst days for Kenma was his first day of school. He was going to strange place filled with strangers and he hated it. He didn't want to beg his parents to let him stay home because he was scared of that too.   
Kenma had trouble making friends. All the other kids were loud and hyper. Kenma was quiet. He tried to listen to his mother and make friends, but no one wanted to be friends with him.   
Then one Kuroo came along. Kuroo didn't live far away from where Kenma did. Kuroo saw the he didn't have any friends and he noticed how sad the boy looked all the time.   
Kuroo didn't like the way Kenma looked so sad all the time so he decided that he would be Kenma's friend and make him happy.   
Kuroo came over to his house one day and knocked on the door. "Hello," Kuroo said smiling up at Kenma's mother. "I was wondering if your son could come and play?" His mother smiled and called for Kenma to come downstairs. Kuroo smiled at him as he he held the volleyball in his hands. "Be back in time for dinner," his mother said as she nudged him out the door.   
"Have you ever played volleyball?" Kuroo asked. Kenma just stared blankly at him. He knew Kuroo. Since they were neighbors their families sometimes held meals together, but the two have never really spoken until now.   
"...No..." Kenma said quietly, even as a kid he was very soft spoken. Kuroo smiled. "It's really fun," he said.   
"...I saw a match on TV once..." Kenma admitted. Kuroo smiled widely. "That's great!" He said.   
"Don't you need twelve people to play volleyball?" Kenma asked. "You know... like six players on each team..."  
Kuroo's smile faded a bit. "Well officially yes," he said. "We can pass the ball back and forth for now." Kenma nodded and that's what they did.   
A couple of years went by and Kuroo still asked Kenma to play with him every day. Kenma never questioned it, he just went along with it. If Kuroo wanted to play with him he would play.   
One day they went on a walk and Kuroo bought Kenma some ice cream. "I have money you didn't have to pay for mine," Kenma said as he took the ice cream Kuroo was handing out to him.   
"You're my best friend," Kuroo said. "I'm happy to buy you ice cream." Kenma smiled. He didn't know that Kuroo considered him a friend, his best friend actually.   
Kuroo was delighted to see Kenma smile. He didn't look sad all the time when he was with Kuroo and that made him happy.   
Kuroo did silly things and told ridiculous jokes just to get Kenma to smile or laugh. Kuroo wondered if he was the only person who could do that.  
As middle school approached, Kuroo kept trying to talk Kenma into playing volleyball with him. Kenma had recently started playing video games and sometimes Kuroo would play with him when they had sleepovers.   
Kenma didn't want to. He would prefer a club that didn't involve interacting with others. Kenma liked being Kuroo's friend, Kuroo was his only friend; but volleyball is a sport where the whole team is supposed to be friends, they'd work better that way.   
Kenma doubted that anyone else would even consider being friends with him. Kuroo was a year older so they didn't have class together. Kuroo was already in middle school and on the volleyball team, he couldn't wait for Kenma to graduate elementary school so they could be on the volleyball team together.   
They still played together after school, but it was mainly volleyball practice for Kuroo. He watched the games a lot and was always trying to do the moves that he saw them do on TV. Kenma tried to keep up and toss the ball to Kuroo the way he wanted him too. Kenma also watched a match on TV whenever he could. It was interesting.   
Kuroo finally persuaded Kenma into joining the volleyball club. For two years they were in the same volleyball team. Their team wasn't bad, but Kenma didn't like all the effort he had to put into it. Their middle wasn't exactly known for their boys volleyball team, but they did play a couple of games.   
Kenma didn't really enjoy volleyball, really the only reason he did was for Kuroo. He didn't want to lose his only friend.   
It was around this time when Kenma first started having panic attacks.   
The volleyball club was a small one and the really couldn't bench anyone, because if they did they'd only have five players.   
Kenma was scared his first day. The older kids towered over him and most of them didn't seem to like him. Kuroo found Kenma after practice in the bathroom, he was sitting on the floor, his face in his hands and he was shaking. "Kenma!" He sat down beside his friend. The smaller boy jumped a little when Kuroo said his name. He was gasping for air.   
Kuroo took Kenma's hands away from his face. "Kenma," he whispered softly. "What's wrong?"  
"Nobody on the team likes me," he said quietly, refusing to look up at his friend. "They don't want to play with me..."   
"That's not true," Kuroo said gently. "I'm on the team, I like you, I want to play with you."   
"Kenma... do you want to come over to my house and spend the night?" He asked gently. "I'm sure that my parents won't mind." Kenma nodded slightly.   
See, things at home weren't great for Kenma at the time either. His parents fought constantly and sometimes they completely forgot that Kenma even existed.   
Kuroo took Kenma to his house. Kenma was still shaking, but it wasn't as bad. They went up to Kuroo's room and Kenma sat on the bed, taking deep breaths. Maybe now, in this familiar place, Kenma could calm down.   
Kuroo got him a glass of water. Kenma drank it and he stopped shaking. He felt better being alone with his friend.   
Volleyball matches against other schools were the worst for Kenma. He could barely keep it together. If it wasn't for Kuroo being there to reassure him, Kenma probably would have had a breakdown.   
Kuroo tried convincing Kenma to talk to his parents about it, but he wouldn't. Kuroo went over to Kenma's house after dinner. His mother answered the door. "Isn't a little late to play?" She asked and there was a hint on annoyance in her voice.   
"I'm actually not here to see Kenma," Kuroo said. "I want to talk to you Mrs. Kozume."   
The woman look at him with mixed emotions and waited for him to go on. "Kenma is doing well in volleyball," Kuroo said. "He's not a bad player... But... Kenma has anxiety. When we play matches against other schools, he freaks out and starts having panic attacks. I'm worried about him. I wanted him to talk to you about it, but he wouldn't."   
Kenma's mother was speechless. "Alright... well I'll go talk to him," she said. "You should head home." Kuroo nodded and went back to his place.   
Kenma was in the middle of playing the new game Kuroo got him when his mother knocked on the door. He pressed pause as she came in.   
"Kenma," she said as she shut the door behind her. "Is it true that you have panic attacks during volleyball games?"  
Kenma knew that Kuroo must have told her. Otherwise she wouldn't know anything. "...Yes..." Kenma said with a small nod.   
Kenma was kind of mad with Kuroo after that night and Kuroo picked up on it. "Why are you mad at me Kenma?" He asked.   
"It wasn't your place to tell my mother that," Kenma said not looking at his friend.   
"Kenma I'm worried about you," Kuroo said gently. "I was just trying to help."  
"My mother is making me go see a therapist," Kenma said staring at the ground. "I won't be able to come to club practice for a few days."  
When Kuroo graduated to go to high school, things only got worse for Kenma.   
⚠️WARNING⚠️  
Therapy didn't seem to do anything. Kuroo didn't hang out with him as much anymore. His parents got a divorce. Kenma felt like his whole world was coming apart.  
He wanted to just quit volleyball, but Kuroo said that he wanted him to play in high school too. Kenma didn't feel as if they were best friends anymore. Kuroo was usually with his teammates, and it felt like Kuroo didn't care anymore.   
Kenma often cried himself to sleep. He knew that there was people who had bigger problems than his, but they were still problems. Kenma never felt more alone. No one seemed to care about him.   
Kenma thought that maybe being dead would be better than feeling so alone. One night he snuck downstairs to the kitchen and got a small sharp knife. He pressed the blade to his wrist and dragged it up. Blood poured out covering his pale skin. Kenma started shaking. He couldn't continue. He rinsed of the life and his arm. He went to the bathroom and put a bandaid on the small cut.   
He was too scared to actually go through with it.   
Kenma never told anyone about that night. He kept quiet about it, and never tried it again.   
Kenma continued volleyball in high school and him and Kuroo grew closer again. Kenma didn't feel like they were drifting away as much anymore.   
The third years were super bossy and Kenma was scared of them. Kuroo told him not to quit and that he was a good player. Kenma honestly thought that he sucked, but if Kuroo said he was good Kenma was going to believe him.   
Kenma's therapist put him on anxiety medication. It helped a lot. Kenma was more at ease.   
Kenma's second year of high school seemed to be going better than his first, especially since all the third years were gone. One day of his teammates said that he stuck out, and he just look so depressed like he was constantly begging for attention. Kenma hated drawing attention to himself.   
So they next day he came to school with his hair dyed completely blonde. He was terrified at first at what people would think, but to his surprise they complimented him on it.   
Kenma actually liked his teammates. Kuroo, now being a third year, was actually captain. He really seemed to like it and it made Kenma happy.   
Kuroo announced that they would be having a practice match against Karasuno high school. Everyone on the team seemed excited except for Kenma. Karasuno and Nekoma were supposedly big rivals back in the day.   
The team took the bullet train from Tokyo to the small country side town. The rest of the team couldn't wait until their practice match.   
Kenma didn't remember the exact moment he got lost. He remembered something his mother once told him, if you get lost stay where you are and someone will come find you.   
Kenma sat down and started playing games on his phone. A cat came by and started rubbing against his legs. Kenma petted if a couple of times.   
A few minutes later a hyper orange haired boy came up and started talking to him. Kenma guessed that he was always that excited about everything.   
It turns out that the boy's name was Hinata Shōyō. He was a first year. They both play volleyball. Hinata was a middle blocker, and Kenma wasn't surprised. Sure it was a position for tall guys and Hinata come easily pass for a middle schooler, but Kenma knew that he had that position for a reason. Just like Kenma was a setter for a reason.   
Kenma noticed that he shirt said Karasuno High School on it. So he would be seeing Hinata very soon.   
When it came time for the practice match Hinata freaked out when he saw Kenma, and that made the older boy uncomfortable.   
The game was intense, but Nekoma one. Karasuno didn't seem that down about, well it was just a practice match after all. Kenma was surprised at Hinata's skill. He was fast and could jump really high, and he could spike a quick with his eyes shut. Now that was impressive.   
"Oi! Kenma!" Hinata said running up to him after the match. "You're a great setter!"  
"Uh, thank you," Kenma said shyly.   
Hinata smiled brightly at him. "I think you're really cool Kenma," he said. "I want to be friends!"  
Kenma was even more surprised that he said that. I guess rivals can be friends off the court. They exchanged phone numbers and Hinata said to text him as soon as he got back to Tokyo.   
They said their goodbyes until next time.   
As soon as Kenma thought him and Kuroo were getting close again, he pulled away. It saddened him. He felt like Kuroo didn't care as much anymore.   
Now Kenma had a new friend though. Hinata texted him every morning and after school. Sometimes they would have long phone calls at night. Kenma liked Hinata.   
Hinata told Kenma that he was his best friend. Kenma smiled at that. Even though Kuroo was pulling away, he had someone else who cared about him.   
Later, Nekoma got a new player named Lev and he was really tall, but very bad at volleyball. Kuroo made sure he practiced extra hard and since Kenma was their setter he had to practice with him. It's not that he didn't like Lev... No. That was it. Kenma just didn't like Lev. Honestly he found Lev annoying, but he was also nice to him.  
When it was time for training camp, Kenma and Hinata hung out whenever they could. They practiced even after the games were over. It was kinda fun, Kenma had to admit.   
Lev liked Hinata too, so he often tried to tag along. Kenma couldn't blame him. He didn't see how Karasuno's setter seemed to dislike Hinata so much.   
Sometime after that Kenma made a promise that they would have a match with no rematch. It would be an ultimate battle of the garbage dump.  
Kenma was excited that Hinata and his team would be going to nationals, because Nekoma was going too.   
The ultimate battle of the garbage dump was about to begin. Kenma had played some really intense matches before, but that was the most intense game of his life. He thought he was going to have panic attack. He hadn't had one in years.   
In the end though, Karasuno ended up winning the whole thing. It was a great match though. Kenma was happy for Hinata. Kenma was also happy that his team made it that far.  
Graduation for the third years was sad. Kuroo was going off to college, he would be leaving Kenma again. This time though, he wouldn't be right across the street and he could run over when he needed him.   
Kuroo had always been Kenma's friend. "No matter what," Kuroo told him. "If you ever need me, call me. I'm still your best friend Kenma. I'm here for you."   
That made Kenma stop crying and hug his friend. Kuroo felt bad. He knew when he started high school that he drifted from Kenma a bit, but he still cared deeply about him.   
Kenma's third year of high school was interesting to say the least. He enjoyed it though. His teammates were his friends, they always had been, but Kenma just came to terms with realizing that.   
Hinata still made sure to text him every day and they still had long phone calls with each other. Hinata was also his best friend.  
Kenma decided that he would go to the same college as Kuroo. He knew that he could do better if someone he knew was there with him.   
Hinata who was now a third year, often complained to Kenma that Nekoma wasn't the same without him. Nekoma was still a really good team, but Hinata missed seeing Kenma there.   
If they had time, Kenma and Kuroo would actually go watch Karasuno play. They're weren't the same team either. Hinata was excited to see Kenma up in the stands. They waved to each other before the match started.   
Kozume Kenma was a different person. He still had anxiety, but he learned how to live his life. He still took medication, but nothing was as bad as when he was younger.   
Kenma was actually really glad he didn't end things years ago. If he did so many great things in his life wouldn't have happened.   
Kenma was left wondering what else the future has in store for him.


End file.
